1 00:03:47,017 --> 00:03:48,686 Think of it, Thing. 2 00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,523 For 25 years, 3 00:03:52,606 --> 00:03:55,609 we've attempted to contact Fester in the great beyond, 4 00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:59,613 and for 25 years, nothing. 5 00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:04,869 I'm beginning to think my brother truly is lost. 6 00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:18,007 Don't be a baby. I know what I'm doing. 7 00:04:21,093 --> 00:04:22,094 Help me. 8 00:04:35,107 --> 00:04:36,442 Look at her. 9 00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:39,779 I would die for her. 10 00:04:40,654 --> 00:04:42,448 I would kill for her. 11 00:04:43,991 --> 00:04:45,451 Either way, what bliss. 12 00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:55,503 -Unhappy, darling? -Oh, yes. 13 00:04:56,670 --> 00:04:58,214 Yes, completely. 14 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:07,598 Gomez... 15 00:05:09,141 --> 00:05:10,351 Sun. 16 00:05:10,434 --> 00:05:11,769 Il me perce comme un poignard. 17 00:05:13,020 --> 00:05:16,524 Oh, Tish, that's French. 18 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:17,608 Oui. 19 00:05:20,277 --> 00:05:21,779 Cara mia. 20 00:05:24,990 --> 00:05:27,868 En garde, Monsieur Soleil! 21 00:05:30,412 --> 00:05:31,455 Gomez? 22 00:05:31,539 --> 00:05:32,957 Querida? 23 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,377 Last night you were unhinged. 24 00:05:37,419 --> 00:05:39,630 You were like some desperate howling demon. 25 00:05:40,881 --> 00:05:42,424 You frightened me. 26 00:05:44,718 --> 00:05:46,011 Do it again. 27 00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:54,812 Thank you, Lurch. 28 00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:34,226 Damn you, Addams! 29 00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,687 Sorry about the window, Judge. 30 00:06:36,770 --> 00:06:39,189 Keep the ball. I have a whole bucketful. 31 00:06:43,485 --> 00:06:45,029 You moron! 32 00:06:49,199 --> 00:06:51,410 It is a milestone, Tish. 33 00:06:51,493 --> 00:06:54,538 This very night, our 25th séance. 34 00:06:56,123 --> 00:06:59,376 All those years, gnawed by guilt, 35 00:07:00,085 --> 00:07:01,795 undone by woe, 36 00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:05,716 burning with uncertainty. 37 00:07:07,551 --> 00:07:09,929 Don't torture yourself, Gomez. 38 00:07:11,555 --> 00:07:12,765 That's my job. 39 00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:16,435 Oh, Tish. 40 00:07:17,561 --> 00:07:19,980 Imagine, darling, if Fester did come back. 41 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,610 Half alive, barely human, a rotting shell. 42 00:07:25,319 --> 00:07:26,487 Don't tease. 43 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:41,669 Stop it! I'm warning you. 44 00:07:47,883 --> 00:07:49,885 Look, darling. Tully is here. 45 00:07:51,261 --> 00:07:53,722 -Tully! -Romping with Gate. 46 00:07:56,016 --> 00:07:58,769 These are your last paying clients, may I remind you? 47 00:07:58,852 --> 00:08:01,230 -If it gives you pleasure. -Something has to. 48 00:08:01,313 --> 00:08:04,108 Like a decent coat, something dressy, for evening. 49 00:08:05,025 --> 00:08:06,819 Ask for a loan. Beg! 50 00:08:06,902 --> 00:08:09,071 No loans. I am not a bum. 51 00:08:09,154 --> 00:08:11,281 Don't say it. I'll get the money. 52 00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:12,908 I have a plan. 53 00:08:13,575 --> 00:08:15,244 This is all so humiliating. 54 00:08:15,327 --> 00:08:18,706 -Why did I marry you? -Because I said yes. 55 00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:22,543 I'm here to see Mrs. Addams about the charity auction. 56 00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,714 Stop it! Let go! 57 00:08:51,238 --> 00:08:52,531 -Missed! -What's that? 58 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:01,915 Dirty pool, old man. 59 00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:03,751 I like it. 60 00:09:15,512 --> 00:09:16,513 Had enough? 61 00:09:23,103 --> 00:09:24,104 Where's my pen? 62 00:09:25,939 --> 00:09:28,067 Never mind. I'll take yours. 63 00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:37,367 First, the old business. 64 00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:41,789 Charity auction, it's ridiculous! 65 00:09:43,499 --> 00:09:46,376 -Perhaps it's in here. -I don't think so. 66 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:55,427 "Uncle Niknak's winter wardrobe." 67 00:10:01,308 --> 00:10:03,352 "Uncle Niknak's summer wardrobe." 68 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,315 "Uncle Niknak." 69 00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:14,446 "The Fester Addams Offshore Retirement Fund"? 70 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,282 -What would it do? -What wouldn't it do? 71 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,869 Fester, all tribute to thee. 72 00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:23,580 -Some called him inhumanly evil. -No! 73 00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:27,042 Only our parents. I called him brother. 74 00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:30,963 And his memory must live on forever through money. 75 00:10:31,046 --> 00:10:33,882 I'm gonna deposit the funds under my name for tax purposes. 76 00:10:34,466 --> 00:10:35,884 That's inspired. 77 00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:39,221 He would've wanted it that way. Beloved Fester. 78 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,307 Indeed! 79 00:10:44,059 --> 00:10:46,520 -For Fester! -For Fester! A brother! 80 00:10:46,603 --> 00:10:48,188 -My brother! -One of a kind! 81 00:10:48,272 --> 00:10:51,400 -The doctors all said... -Kind to animals, so good with children! 82 00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:54,361 -They never proved anything. -$1 million is the perfect amount. 83 00:10:54,444 --> 00:10:56,989 -It's brilliant. -It's untraceable! 84 00:10:59,783 --> 00:11:01,952 But, Tully, it's not old business. 85 00:11:02,035 --> 00:11:04,621 It's going to have to wait. You know the rules better than that. 86 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:08,333 Why? But this is different. This is in my name. Make an exception. 87 00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:11,420 Old business is old business, and new business is new business, 88 00:11:11,503 --> 00:11:12,796 and this is new business, 89 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,507 and we do not discuss new business until... 90 00:11:19,761 --> 00:11:20,762 next quarter. 91 00:11:21,471 --> 00:11:22,472 Next quarter? 92 00:11:23,348 --> 00:11:24,725 Next quarter? 93 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:31,106 Fine lunge, but your riposte, a tad rusty. 94 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:37,321 Make yourself comfortable, old man, 95 00:11:37,404 --> 00:11:39,948 while I get the money for the monthly expenses. 96 00:12:03,931 --> 00:12:07,517 There it is. Just what we've been searching for. 97 00:12:08,435 --> 00:12:09,728 Thank you, Thing. 98 00:12:12,397 --> 00:12:15,442 My God. What is it? 99 00:12:15,525 --> 00:12:18,570 A finger trap from the court of Emperor Wu. 100 00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:20,489 It must be worth a fortune. 101 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:26,036 Oh, Morticia! This is too extravagant! 102 00:12:27,454 --> 00:12:28,747 Even for the auction. 103 00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:30,624 Let's keep it. 104 00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:33,210 Hush, Mama. 105 00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:35,629 It's for charity. Widows and orphans. 106 00:12:36,922 --> 00:12:37,965 We need more of them. 107 00:12:39,841 --> 00:12:41,134 Margaret? 108 00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,388 About the séance tonight. 109 00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:49,142 I wish you'd come. It's Gomez. I'm terribly worried about him. 110 00:12:50,185 --> 00:12:52,646 He won't eat. He can't sleep. 111 00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:55,190 He keeps coughing up blood. 112 00:12:56,733 --> 00:12:58,193 He coughs up blood? 113 00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:01,405 Well, not like he used to. 114 00:13:05,158 --> 00:13:06,326 Down, kitty! 115 00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:45,032 There. The monthly expenses. 116 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,334 Miss Bradbury. 117 00:13:58,503 --> 00:14:00,130 Miss Bradbury! 118 00:14:00,213 --> 00:14:02,257 She's gone home, Mr. Alford. 119 00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,551 Oh, Mrs. Craven! 120 00:14:05,552 --> 00:14:08,889 -I was just about to call you. -I'm certain you were. 121 00:14:08,972 --> 00:14:12,392 You haven't met my son Gordon, have you, Mr. Alford? 122 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:14,603 Hello. 123 00:14:17,814 --> 00:14:21,735 Is this the one, Mother? That deadbeat you mentioned? 124 00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:24,821 No, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. 125 00:14:24,905 --> 00:14:27,741 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You have to listen to me. 126 00:14:28,325 --> 00:14:30,744 Do we, Mr. Alford? And why? 127 00:14:31,411 --> 00:14:33,121 Please, hear me out! 128 00:14:34,539 --> 00:14:35,957 Hear me out! 129 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,377 Please. Please! 130 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:40,879 Your call, Mother. 131 00:14:40,962 --> 00:14:44,841 Gordon and I enjoy a very special relationship. 132 00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:47,511 -She's a pip! -Refreshing, no? 133 00:14:47,594 --> 00:14:49,554 -Down, Gordon. -Mother? 134 00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:50,764 -Gordon! -Gordon! 135 00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:57,813 We've lent you a considerable sum, many thousands of dollars. 136 00:14:57,896 --> 00:14:58,897 Payment due. 137 00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:01,441 I don't have the money to repay you. I've tried everything. 138 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:05,112 -Oh, Gordon, I want to believe him. -So do I. 139 00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:06,321 Make me proud. 140 00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,198 No, no, no. 141 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:19,709 -He lied to us, Mother. -No, no. It's not what you think. 142 00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:22,045 Those are doubloons for the Addams account. 143 00:15:22,129 --> 00:15:23,130 Addams? 144 00:15:23,213 --> 00:15:25,757 There's more, there's a fortune, but nobody can get to it. 145 00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,259 Don't you think I've tried? 146 00:15:27,342 --> 00:15:29,970 Have you? Have you tried hard enough? 147 00:15:30,053 --> 00:15:33,682 -Ask him, sweetheart. -No, no, no, sweetheart. Don't ask. 148 00:15:41,731 --> 00:15:42,732 Fester. 149 00:15:49,614 --> 00:15:52,659 -It's a miserable night. -I know, darling. 150 00:15:53,368 --> 00:15:54,661 Séance weather. 151 00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:58,373 Children, we're starting! 152 00:15:59,082 --> 00:16:00,834 Put down that antenna. 153 00:16:07,757 --> 00:16:11,511 It's unbelievable. This hideous creature and my little boy. 154 00:16:14,931 --> 00:16:16,308 They could be twins. 155 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:20,604 But they're his family. What makes you think they'll fall for it? 156 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:23,690 You shave your head, we dress you up. No problem. 157 00:16:23,773 --> 00:16:25,984 They'll think he's Fester, their long-lost brother. 158 00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:28,278 I hope so, Mr. Alford, for your sake. 159 00:16:28,361 --> 00:16:30,322 Hey, I've been the Addams' lawyer for years. 160 00:16:30,405 --> 00:16:32,449 -They're morons. -Obviously. 161 00:16:32,532 --> 00:16:34,493 -Now what about the gold? -They got this vault-- 162 00:16:34,576 --> 00:16:36,828 -Where? -I'm not sure. 163 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,330 That's a problem, isn't it? 164 00:16:38,413 --> 00:16:41,500 Now, listen, Fester's been missing for 25 years. 165 00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,418 He and Gomez had some sort of a fight, 166 00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,837 and Gomez feels incredibly guilty about it. 167 00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:47,714 He'll tell you anything. Just ask. 168 00:16:47,797 --> 00:16:51,593 -It's foolproof. -It had better be. Now, get out. 169 00:16:53,094 --> 00:16:54,262 It's gonna be great. 170 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:57,516 You're gonna get back all the money I owe you and more. 171 00:16:57,599 --> 00:16:58,517 You'll see. Really. 172 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:04,397 This is it, Mother. The one we've been waiting for. 173 00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:09,277 No more loan-sharking, no more storefront scams. 174 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,530 I get the gold, and we're gone. 175 00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:13,615 And Tully takes the rap. 176 00:17:13,698 --> 00:17:14,741 Gordon, it's brilliant. 177 00:17:14,824 --> 00:17:16,660 No, not Gordon! 178 00:17:17,244 --> 00:17:19,829 -Of course not. -Fester. 179 00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:29,756 Big night for you guys, small fry? 180 00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,552 Hello, sweetheart. 181 00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:35,679 Could you? 182 00:17:41,184 --> 00:17:44,020 Oh, thank God. 183 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:45,772 Welcome, honored guests. 184 00:17:48,108 --> 00:17:49,359 Entrails? 185 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:08,211 Sing, O spirits. Hearken all souls. 186 00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:13,550 Every year on this date, we offer a clarion call to Fester Addams. 187 00:18:13,633 --> 00:18:15,010 Stop it. 188 00:18:15,093 --> 00:18:16,094 Pugsley. 189 00:18:21,224 --> 00:18:22,267 Kids. 190 00:18:23,476 --> 00:18:25,729 From generation to generation, 191 00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:28,565 our beacon to the beyond. 192 00:18:30,650 --> 00:18:33,278 All close eyes and join hands. 193 00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:41,161 What a grip! 194 00:18:42,078 --> 00:18:43,872 My hand! 195 00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:47,792 My hand! She's got my hand! 196 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,928 -Excuse me. -Okay, pumpkin, sit down. 197 00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,221 Join the fun. 198 00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:01,598 Mama, you should know better. 199 00:19:02,932 --> 00:19:04,517 Thing, you're a handful. 200 00:19:05,852 --> 00:19:06,728 Wednesday. 201 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,814 Let us ransom you from the power of the grave. 202 00:19:10,398 --> 00:19:13,109 Tonight, O death, let us be your plague. 203 00:19:13,568 --> 00:19:14,402 Mama. 204 00:19:15,111 --> 00:19:17,197 Fester Addams... 205 00:19:24,245 --> 00:19:26,122 I feel that he's near. 206 00:19:29,125 --> 00:19:32,962 Fester Addams, gather your strength 207 00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:35,882 and knock three times. 208 00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,388 Did you hear that? 209 00:19:42,305 --> 00:19:44,015 -Ask again, Mama, quickly. -By all means. 210 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,934 Ask. Ask. 211 00:19:46,017 --> 00:19:50,980 Fester Addams, I demand that you knock again! 212 00:20:02,909 --> 00:20:04,285 He's at the door! 213 00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,595 -Could it be? -Is it him? 214 00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,764 -Is it possible? -Oh, my God. 215 00:20:27,767 --> 00:20:30,645 -Fester. -Gomez. 216 00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:52,292 Good evening. I am Dr. Pinder-Schloss. 217 00:20:56,337 --> 00:21:00,759 He was found in Miami, tangled in a tuna net. 218 00:21:00,842 --> 00:21:04,763 It was just last month during the Hurricane Helga. 219 00:21:05,346 --> 00:21:08,266 The sky, it was black like pitch. 220 00:21:08,349 --> 00:21:12,437 The waves, they were walls of doom. Can you imagine? 221 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,232 They drag him from the ocean, from the very jaws of oblivion. 222 00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:17,692 I'm telling you. 223 00:21:17,776 --> 00:21:21,404 There were tests, so many tests! 224 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:25,658 A complete psychological profile. 225 00:21:25,742 --> 00:21:29,621 At long last, the Florida Department of the Fish and the Game, 226 00:21:29,704 --> 00:21:33,416 they say, "Lo and behold, oh, my, oh, my, oh, my, 227 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:35,835 go tell it on the mountains, 228 00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:38,296 he is your brother." 229 00:21:40,715 --> 00:21:41,674 Boom! 230 00:21:41,758 --> 00:21:44,469 They give him to me at Human Services, 231 00:21:44,552 --> 00:21:48,515 and I am bringing him, after all these years, 232 00:21:48,598 --> 00:21:51,434 after who knows what heartache, 233 00:21:51,518 --> 00:21:53,686 after the naked and the dead, 234 00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:56,856 I am bringing him home to you! 235 00:21:57,440 --> 00:21:59,067 -That's preposterous. -Margaret... 236 00:21:59,150 --> 00:22:01,653 Isn't that the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard? 237 00:22:01,736 --> 00:22:03,738 -Blossom. -It certainly is. 238 00:22:06,658 --> 00:22:08,868 -Now you're back. -Yes, back. 239 00:22:08,952 --> 00:22:12,288 Back to share your joys, your sorrows. 240 00:22:12,372 --> 00:22:15,667 -Hey, everything. -Well, I just don't know. 241 00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:17,585 Honey, how does this work, again? 242 00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:19,671 An infant would understand. 243 00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:26,678 Fester Addams, home at long last. 244 00:22:26,761 --> 00:22:30,098 Well, at least for a week. 245 00:22:30,181 --> 00:22:31,599 A week? 246 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:33,810 Don't be ridiculous. You're home. 247 00:22:33,893 --> 00:22:35,728 Sorry, but I have to get back. 248 00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:39,691 I've got a lot of things cooking in the Bermuda Triangle. 249 00:22:39,774 --> 00:22:40,775 Oh, Gomez. 250 00:22:41,568 --> 00:22:44,696 -The Bermuda Triangle. -Devil's Island. 251 00:22:44,779 --> 00:22:46,698 The Black Hole of Calcutta. 252 00:22:46,781 --> 00:22:48,366 Excuse us. 253 00:22:48,449 --> 00:22:49,450 Second honeymoon. 254 00:22:50,785 --> 00:22:54,998 Dr. Pinder-Schloss, will you be staying with us too? 255 00:22:55,081 --> 00:22:57,292 No, no. I must be going. 256 00:22:57,375 --> 00:23:01,504 But I will be back, you can bet, to be checking on Fester's adjustment. 257 00:23:02,839 --> 00:23:04,424 Cool. 258 00:23:04,507 --> 00:23:06,759 Nobody gets out of the Bermuda Triangle. 259 00:23:06,843 --> 00:23:08,803 Not even for a vacation. 260 00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:10,430 Everyone knows that. 261 00:23:10,513 --> 00:23:14,475 Oh, my little bundle. So much you don't understand. 262 00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:18,271 The human spirit, it is a hard thing to kill. 263 00:23:18,855 --> 00:23:21,566 Even with a chainsaw. 264 00:23:30,408 --> 00:23:31,409 Unpacking? 265 00:23:32,201 --> 00:23:33,494 Let me. 266 00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:35,622 It's all right. I can do it. 267 00:23:37,123 --> 00:23:38,124 Crowbar. 268 00:23:43,087 --> 00:23:44,130 Dynamite. 269 00:23:51,179 --> 00:23:52,263 Cyanide. 270 00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:56,601 Fester... 271 00:23:57,727 --> 00:23:58,811 as if we'd run out. 272 00:24:03,191 --> 00:24:04,192 Good night. 273 00:24:36,391 --> 00:24:37,475 Nosy little brat. 274 00:25:39,912 --> 00:25:41,247 Who's there? 275 00:26:17,533 --> 00:26:20,036 My own dear brother. 276 00:26:21,996 --> 00:26:23,956 I've got goose bumps. 277 00:26:24,874 --> 00:26:25,875 I know. 278 00:26:27,168 --> 00:26:29,420 Screams in the night. 279 00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:31,339 It can only mean one thing. 280 00:26:33,508 --> 00:26:34,634 He's home. 281 00:26:37,261 --> 00:26:39,931 Please! Please! 282 00:26:40,014 --> 00:26:42,475 Leave me alone! 283 00:27:09,585 --> 00:27:10,670 Breakfast? 284 00:27:12,380 --> 00:27:15,383 Damn, it's good to have you back. Let's go. 285 00:27:18,427 --> 00:27:19,554 Two out of three? 286 00:27:25,309 --> 00:27:27,228 Home cooking! 287 00:27:27,311 --> 00:27:30,148 There's nothing like it in the world. 288 00:27:30,231 --> 00:27:31,858 May I have the salt? 289 00:27:34,277 --> 00:27:35,319 What do we say? 290 00:27:37,363 --> 00:27:38,364 Now. 291 00:27:48,374 --> 00:27:49,500 What is this? 292 00:27:50,084 --> 00:27:52,170 Mama's spécialité de la maison. 293 00:27:52,837 --> 00:27:54,463 Oh, Tish. 294 00:27:57,466 --> 00:27:58,843 Start with the eyes. 295 00:28:01,554 --> 00:28:02,638 Did you sleep well? 296 00:28:04,849 --> 00:28:07,059 -Like the dead. -Really? 297 00:28:07,143 --> 00:28:08,978 Who would have thought the Bermuda Triangle 298 00:28:09,061 --> 00:28:10,605 could change a man so much? 299 00:28:10,688 --> 00:28:14,233 You used to toss and turn all night. We had to chain you to the bedpost. 300 00:28:14,984 --> 00:28:16,194 Doesn't make sense. 301 00:28:18,070 --> 00:28:22,658 The Bermuda Triangle is a very strange and mysterious place. 302 00:28:23,284 --> 00:28:26,495 You'd be surprised at all the things you don't know. 303 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:29,332 She certainly would. 304 00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:32,376 Wednesday adores the Bermuda Triangle. 305 00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:33,836 She studies it. 306 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,796 Death at sea. She's hooked. 307 00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:37,256 Ask me anything. 308 00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:44,138 Being in my old room sure brings back memories. 309 00:28:45,431 --> 00:28:49,143 -Remember Camp Custer? -For preteen offenders. 310 00:28:58,444 --> 00:29:00,321 Aren't memories precious? 311 00:29:00,947 --> 00:29:04,450 Today I'd like to wander through the house, remembering. 312 00:29:04,533 --> 00:29:06,786 No, no. Sorry, old man. No wandering today. 313 00:29:06,869 --> 00:29:09,121 Today we're going straight to the vault. 314 00:29:19,632 --> 00:29:22,176 Bravo, Pugsley! 315 00:29:28,599 --> 00:29:29,892 -"Greed." -"Greed." 316 00:29:38,150 --> 00:29:40,027 I feel like we're children again. 317 00:29:40,820 --> 00:29:42,321 Tag. You're it! 318 00:30:05,052 --> 00:30:07,346 Smell that air, Fester. 319 00:30:11,017 --> 00:30:12,018 Like a tomb. 320 00:30:15,980 --> 00:30:19,525 Tutti a bordo, fratello mio. 321 00:30:19,608 --> 00:30:22,153 The sea, your second home. 322 00:30:23,612 --> 00:30:24,947 Ship ahoy. 323 00:30:40,463 --> 00:30:43,007 Do you think that's really Uncle Fester? 324 00:30:43,090 --> 00:30:46,135 Father says so, but I think Mother isn't sure. 325 00:30:49,972 --> 00:30:51,474 Pugsley, sit in the chair. 326 00:30:51,557 --> 00:30:53,351 -Why? -So we can play a game. 327 00:30:59,315 --> 00:31:00,399 What game? 328 00:31:01,734 --> 00:31:05,363 It's called "ls There a God?" 329 00:31:30,221 --> 00:31:31,430 The vault! 330 00:31:32,932 --> 00:31:36,560 Two to the right, ten to the left. 331 00:31:36,644 --> 00:31:38,604 And then around to... 332 00:31:39,814 --> 00:31:40,898 Five. 333 00:31:41,774 --> 00:31:42,983 Eleven. 334 00:31:43,859 --> 00:31:46,987 Two, ten, 11. Eyes, fingers, toes. 335 00:31:47,696 --> 00:31:49,240 So many years. 336 00:31:58,999 --> 00:32:00,918 -Welcome back. -Thanks. 337 00:32:02,628 --> 00:32:04,672 Our secret place. 338 00:32:05,381 --> 00:32:07,633 Sanctum sanctorum. 339 00:32:07,716 --> 00:32:10,719 If these walls could speak, eh, old man? 340 00:32:10,803 --> 00:32:14,890 -What would they say? -You tell me. 341 00:32:15,599 --> 00:32:16,809 You first. 342 00:32:17,685 --> 00:32:19,228 Senior partner. 343 00:32:20,229 --> 00:32:22,148 Junior spaceman. 344 00:32:23,858 --> 00:32:25,776 First a brandy. Do the honors. 345 00:32:25,860 --> 00:32:28,112 I've got a real treat in store. 346 00:32:28,195 --> 00:32:30,614 Where is it, you ridiculous imbecile? 347 00:33:15,993 --> 00:33:17,536 Showtime! 348 00:33:47,816 --> 00:33:50,152 There, the debutante ball. 349 00:33:51,570 --> 00:33:53,405 Remember that fateful night? 350 00:33:54,573 --> 00:33:55,574 Of course. 351 00:34:01,372 --> 00:34:02,748 Your first cigar. 352 00:34:02,831 --> 00:34:03,958 What? 353 00:34:04,041 --> 00:34:06,585 Come on, old man. I've smoked since I was five. 354 00:34:06,669 --> 00:34:07,753 Mother insisted. 355 00:34:10,339 --> 00:34:13,217 Flora and Fauna. 356 00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:15,469 Quite the pair, eh, Gomez? 357 00:34:15,553 --> 00:34:17,555 Can you ever forgive me? 358 00:34:19,473 --> 00:34:20,474 What? 359 00:34:21,267 --> 00:34:22,726 I didn't love them, 360 00:34:23,394 --> 00:34:26,689 yet I wooed them both out of foolish pride. 361 00:34:27,565 --> 00:34:30,401 You were so dashing, you could have any woman you wanted, 362 00:34:30,484 --> 00:34:31,694 dead or alive. 363 00:34:32,570 --> 00:34:34,029 I was jealous. 364 00:34:34,113 --> 00:34:36,574 Insanely jealous. 365 00:34:36,657 --> 00:34:38,075 I admit that now. 366 00:34:41,495 --> 00:34:44,164 But I did not mean to drive you off, 367 00:34:44,248 --> 00:34:46,166 not to the Bermuda Triangle. 368 00:34:46,917 --> 00:34:48,752 Water under the bridge. 369 00:34:49,295 --> 00:34:51,130 Forgiven. Forgotten. 370 00:34:59,096 --> 00:35:00,848 Come on. Say it. 371 00:35:01,932 --> 00:35:04,226 -Say the secret password. -The password? 372 00:35:05,227 --> 00:35:07,479 Come on. Stop fooling. You remember. 373 00:35:07,563 --> 00:35:10,649 Please. I'm choking. Please. 374 00:35:10,733 --> 00:35:13,527 You forgot our secret password? 375 00:35:13,611 --> 00:35:16,071 The word we used 100 times a day? 376 00:35:16,155 --> 00:35:17,948 Our special private name for each other? 377 00:35:18,032 --> 00:35:20,701 That was a long time ago when we were children. 378 00:35:20,784 --> 00:35:26,123 You almost killed me, you demented freak. 379 00:35:26,206 --> 00:35:29,585 Poor devil, what did they do to you in that Bermuda Triangle? 380 00:35:29,668 --> 00:35:32,379 But if he's not Uncle Fester, then who is he? 381 00:35:32,463 --> 00:35:33,922 Somebody else. 382 00:35:37,092 --> 00:35:38,427 It has to warm up. 383 00:35:38,510 --> 00:35:39,511 Why? 384 00:35:40,179 --> 00:35:41,180 So it can kill you. 385 00:35:42,056 --> 00:35:43,057 I knew that. 386 00:35:44,516 --> 00:35:48,062 -Children, what are you doing? -I'm going to electrocute him. 387 00:35:48,145 --> 00:35:50,564 But we're late for the charity auction. 388 00:35:50,648 --> 00:35:52,941 -But, Mother... -I said no. 389 00:35:54,151 --> 00:35:55,152 Please? 390 00:35:56,195 --> 00:35:57,613 Oh, all right. 391 00:36:07,581 --> 00:36:09,166 This magnificent piece 392 00:36:09,249 --> 00:36:13,170 is encrusted with rubies and 15 emerald chips. 393 00:36:13,253 --> 00:36:18,634 It was donated by Morticia and Gomez Addams. 394 00:36:18,717 --> 00:36:21,303 Remember, this year, over half our proceeds 395 00:36:21,387 --> 00:36:24,348 will benefit the elderly and the mentally disabled. 396 00:36:25,182 --> 00:36:28,352 I'll open the bidding at $5,000. 397 00:36:28,435 --> 00:36:30,979 Five... Not good enough. 398 00:36:31,063 --> 00:36:33,607 -20,000! -What are they doing? 399 00:36:33,691 --> 00:36:36,485 -I have 20. -Twenty-five. 400 00:36:36,568 --> 00:36:38,028 -Cara mia? -Twenty-five. 401 00:36:38,612 --> 00:36:40,781 Thirty. Mon sauvage. 402 00:36:40,864 --> 00:36:42,282 Thirty-five! 403 00:36:42,783 --> 00:36:43,992 Eres divina. 404 00:36:44,576 --> 00:36:48,163 -Fifty. -I have $50,000. 405 00:36:48,247 --> 00:36:49,957 Your turn, my ecstasy. 406 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,752 Fifty thousand, going once. Fifty thousand, going twice. 407 00:36:55,713 --> 00:37:00,134 Sold to Morticia Addams for $50,000. 408 00:37:11,186 --> 00:37:13,355 Isn't it too enchanting? 409 00:37:13,439 --> 00:37:14,982 How do you take it off? 410 00:37:18,152 --> 00:37:19,570 There's a trick to it... 411 00:37:22,489 --> 00:37:23,782 of course. 412 00:37:34,042 --> 00:37:37,337 "How do you take it off?" That's absurd. 413 00:37:37,421 --> 00:37:40,340 That finger trap was a party favor at his tenth birthday! 414 00:37:45,554 --> 00:37:46,805 Oh, no. 415 00:37:47,431 --> 00:37:49,183 Father's playing with his trains. 416 00:37:50,809 --> 00:37:53,187 He wore that finger trap for two years! 417 00:37:53,270 --> 00:37:55,439 Mother had to teach him to eat with his feet. 418 00:37:55,522 --> 00:37:58,192 And the combination and the password 419 00:37:58,275 --> 00:38:01,028 and my cigar and he slept so well! 420 00:38:04,281 --> 00:38:05,824 He's using the diesel. 421 00:38:17,461 --> 00:38:18,462 The covered bridge. 422 00:38:21,965 --> 00:38:23,133 Dead man's curve. 423 00:39:16,895 --> 00:39:19,523 It's all about Uncle Fester, isn't it? 424 00:39:29,491 --> 00:39:33,036 Spirits above me, give me a sign. 425 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:36,123 Shall I be joyous or shall I be damned? 426 00:39:51,638 --> 00:39:52,848 Sleepless night? 427 00:39:56,226 --> 00:39:57,728 Walk with me, Fester. 428 00:40:04,151 --> 00:40:05,819 Aunt LaBorgia. 429 00:40:05,903 --> 00:40:08,280 Executed by a firing squad. 430 00:40:09,823 --> 00:40:11,658 Cousin Fledge. 431 00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:15,454 Torn limb from limb by four wild horses. 432 00:40:16,455 --> 00:40:18,749 And darling Uncle Eimar. 433 00:40:21,627 --> 00:40:23,462 Buried alive. 434 00:40:24,546 --> 00:40:26,173 Psychopaths, 435 00:40:26,256 --> 00:40:27,758 fiends, 436 00:40:27,841 --> 00:40:29,343 mad-dog killers. 437 00:40:30,010 --> 00:40:32,763 Brutes, Fester. Pioneers. 438 00:40:33,430 --> 00:40:34,723 Lest we forget. 439 00:40:36,350 --> 00:40:37,935 Your beloved Muerto. 440 00:40:39,937 --> 00:40:43,357 After you left, he was simply a different vulture. 441 00:40:44,900 --> 00:40:46,234 He wouldn't circle. 442 00:40:47,694 --> 00:40:49,237 He wouldn't peck. 443 00:40:50,864 --> 00:40:53,241 That's how much you mean to this family. 444 00:41:00,624 --> 00:41:02,501 Mother and Father Addams. 445 00:41:03,961 --> 00:41:07,089 How I wish the children could have known them better. 446 00:41:08,215 --> 00:41:10,467 But tell that to an angry mob. 447 00:41:13,470 --> 00:41:19,059 And our credo, "Sic gorgiamus altos subjectatos nunc." 448 00:41:19,142 --> 00:41:22,896 "We gladly feast on those who would subdue us." 449 00:41:23,772 --> 00:41:25,649 Not just pretty words. 450 00:41:29,194 --> 00:41:33,407 As an Addams, you understand completely, don't you? 451 00:41:35,951 --> 00:41:38,996 As an Addams, yes, I do. 452 00:41:42,582 --> 00:41:43,792 Good night, Fester. 453 00:41:46,878 --> 00:41:48,338 Rest in peace. 454 00:41:57,681 --> 00:41:59,641 They're on to me, Mother. I'm almost sure. 455 00:42:00,308 --> 00:42:03,520 Of course I tried. I still can't find it. You've got to get over here. 456 00:42:03,603 --> 00:42:05,355 Arsenic, cyanide. Cyanide. Arsenic, arsenic. 457 00:42:06,398 --> 00:42:07,941 Don't say that. 458 00:42:09,192 --> 00:42:10,569 You know I do. 459 00:42:12,863 --> 00:42:16,867 His trains are everywhere. The children are beside themselves. 460 00:42:17,534 --> 00:42:18,785 Is that for your brother? 461 00:42:19,828 --> 00:42:21,038 I don't think so. 462 00:42:29,463 --> 00:42:30,714 This can't go on. 463 00:42:31,256 --> 00:42:33,467 How can I help him? Tell me, Mama. 464 00:42:35,260 --> 00:42:37,846 "Troubled husbands." 465 00:42:37,929 --> 00:42:39,347 -"Adultery"? -Oh, no. 466 00:42:40,474 --> 00:42:43,518 -"Financial, money troubles"? -No. 467 00:42:44,519 --> 00:42:48,315 -"Turned into toad or reptile." -ls there an index? 468 00:42:50,192 --> 00:42:53,028 They know I'm a fraud, the whole bunch. 469 00:42:53,695 --> 00:42:55,238 It's not going to work. 470 00:42:55,322 --> 00:42:58,575 Who knows? Gomez, that overheated moron? 471 00:42:59,159 --> 00:43:01,703 He's no moron. He's Fester's brother. 472 00:43:01,787 --> 00:43:05,707 They had some awful fight years ago. He's suspicious, they all are, I can tell. 473 00:43:05,791 --> 00:43:08,085 Really? Well, thank God I came over here. 474 00:43:08,168 --> 00:43:12,672 I will counsel the troubled family, ease their distress. 475 00:43:12,756 --> 00:43:15,550 It's my calling. Remember, Gordon? 476 00:43:15,634 --> 00:43:18,720 -What? -I'm a doctor. 477 00:43:21,264 --> 00:43:25,018 Why don't you speak to Fester, darling? He's right outside the door. 478 00:43:25,102 --> 00:43:28,313 I would speak with Fester if that were Fester. 479 00:43:28,396 --> 00:43:31,733 But that is not. That's an impostor! 480 00:43:31,817 --> 00:43:34,402 An impostore! 481 00:43:34,486 --> 00:43:37,322 A charlatan! A sham! 482 00:43:37,405 --> 00:43:38,657 A counterfeit! 483 00:43:46,706 --> 00:43:49,835 O, villain, villain, smiling, damned villain! 484 00:43:49,918 --> 00:43:52,087 Who calls me a villain? Breaks my pate across? 485 00:43:52,170 --> 00:43:53,004 Bloodshed. 486 00:43:53,088 --> 00:43:54,881 Plucks off my beard and blows it in my face? 487 00:43:54,965 --> 00:43:56,716 If I must strike you dead, I will. 488 00:44:07,269 --> 00:44:08,478 No! 489 00:44:09,104 --> 00:44:10,272 No, no! 490 00:44:10,355 --> 00:44:12,190 No, no, no, no! 491 00:44:13,859 --> 00:44:15,110 Give me that sword. 492 00:44:16,153 --> 00:44:18,822 Haven't you ever slaughtered anyone? 493 00:44:18,905 --> 00:44:21,741 -He's only a child. -No excuse. 494 00:44:22,367 --> 00:44:25,412 Aim for a major artery. The jugular. 495 00:44:25,495 --> 00:44:28,957 A faker! A phony! 496 00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:30,750 An utter fraud! 497 00:44:30,834 --> 00:44:34,629 -A base, deceitful-- -Mr. Addams! 498 00:44:36,339 --> 00:44:39,551 I believe I am understanding. I can help, yes? 499 00:44:40,468 --> 00:44:44,097 The theory of displacement. 500 00:44:44,181 --> 00:44:45,724 Is this familiar? 501 00:44:46,474 --> 00:44:47,475 No. Tish? 502 00:44:47,559 --> 00:44:50,770 Oh, it is too exciting. 503 00:44:50,854 --> 00:44:52,397 I will explain. 504 00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:54,065 Is it unpleasant? 505 00:44:55,317 --> 00:44:56,318 Deeply. 506 00:44:58,737 --> 00:45:02,908 Your very own brother, you drive him away. 507 00:45:02,991 --> 00:45:04,659 "Go. Off with you." 508 00:45:04,743 --> 00:45:08,872 But then you are feeling the little black monster. 509 00:45:08,955 --> 00:45:11,541 -Pugsley. -Guilt. Yes? 510 00:45:12,250 --> 00:45:15,378 Your brother returns, you feel guilty, 511 00:45:15,462 --> 00:45:16,755 you displace. 512 00:45:16,838 --> 00:45:18,048 I do? 513 00:45:18,131 --> 00:45:22,177 The feelings in your brain cells, they bubble and collide. 514 00:45:22,844 --> 00:45:25,388 You suspect things. 515 00:45:25,472 --> 00:45:28,600 You love him, but you resent him. 516 00:45:28,683 --> 00:45:30,810 Love, hate. Hate, love. 517 00:45:31,937 --> 00:45:33,355 Like for Mama. No? 518 00:45:34,189 --> 00:45:36,650 But I didn't hate my mother. It was an accident. 519 00:45:37,234 --> 00:45:41,363 It's a very common psychosis. I'm seeing it every day. 520 00:45:41,988 --> 00:45:43,114 Lucky doctor. 521 00:45:43,949 --> 00:45:47,577 Displacement. How bizarre. 522 00:45:47,661 --> 00:45:50,205 And here I thought Fester was the problem. 523 00:45:50,914 --> 00:45:52,332 -He's sullen. -He's furtive. 524 00:45:52,415 --> 00:45:53,667 -Backstabbing. -He sulks. 525 00:45:53,750 --> 00:45:55,669 -I suspect him. -You're unbalanced. 526 00:45:55,752 --> 00:45:58,797 And I hate him. By God, you're right! 527 00:45:59,339 --> 00:46:01,258 He is Fester! 528 00:46:01,341 --> 00:46:03,051 Thank you, Dr. Pinder-Schloss. 529 00:46:04,135 --> 00:46:05,637 I do what I can. 530 00:46:05,720 --> 00:46:08,556 You see, children, there's lots to learn. 531 00:46:12,852 --> 00:46:14,229 "Gangrene." 532 00:46:16,147 --> 00:46:18,400 Uncle Fester, how do you know so much? 533 00:46:18,483 --> 00:46:21,236 I've been around. I pick things up. 534 00:46:21,319 --> 00:46:23,071 In the Bermuda Triangle? 535 00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:27,325 Look, children, a new chapter. 536 00:46:27,909 --> 00:46:30,412 "Scabs." 537 00:46:37,419 --> 00:46:40,839 Three parts dynamite with a nitroglycerin cap. 538 00:46:40,922 --> 00:46:44,718 It's perfect for small holes, carports and tool sheds. 539 00:46:51,474 --> 00:46:52,600 Mother. 540 00:46:53,351 --> 00:46:55,603 Everyone will be at the children's play tonight, correct? 541 00:46:55,687 --> 00:46:58,231 Oh, yes. I've been working with them. 542 00:46:58,315 --> 00:47:00,775 -It's going to be fun. -Fun? 543 00:47:02,569 --> 00:47:04,946 Is that what we're here for? Fun? 544 00:47:05,989 --> 00:47:08,825 Darling, forgive me. You see what they've driven me to? 545 00:47:08,908 --> 00:47:11,995 I've raised a hand to my child, my reason for living. 546 00:47:14,039 --> 00:47:17,917 -You can't go to the play. -But the kids... 547 00:47:18,001 --> 00:47:20,503 The house will be deserted. The vault will be ours. 548 00:47:20,587 --> 00:47:22,130 But, Mother... 549 00:47:23,381 --> 00:47:25,050 Can you hear it, my treasure? 550 00:47:25,759 --> 00:47:28,386 My heartbeat. It beats only for you. 551 00:47:28,470 --> 00:47:31,389 Listen closely. It says, "Gordon, I love you. 552 00:47:31,473 --> 00:47:33,183 Gordon, the vault." 553 00:47:34,601 --> 00:47:36,102 I do hear it. 554 00:47:36,186 --> 00:47:40,732 Soon we'll have the money and we'll be far from here. 555 00:47:40,815 --> 00:47:43,777 Loving mother, grateful son. 556 00:47:44,486 --> 00:47:45,820 Understood? 557 00:47:51,826 --> 00:47:53,787 There you are, at last. 558 00:47:55,121 --> 00:47:57,957 What a fool I was to doubt you. 559 00:47:58,041 --> 00:48:00,835 Dr. Pinder-Schloss explained everything. 560 00:48:00,919 --> 00:48:03,004 What a lovely woman. So chilly. 561 00:48:03,671 --> 00:48:05,340 Displacement. 562 00:48:05,423 --> 00:48:06,925 It's a common psychosis. 563 00:48:07,008 --> 00:48:09,094 -Isn't that grand? -Is it? 564 00:48:10,136 --> 00:48:11,471 Look at it, Fester. 565 00:48:12,097 --> 00:48:13,765 The primeval ooze. 566 00:48:13,848 --> 00:48:16,226 Quicksand, fumes, toxic waste. 567 00:48:16,309 --> 00:48:18,311 It's all ours, Fester. 568 00:48:18,395 --> 00:48:20,814 You belong here, old man. 569 00:48:20,897 --> 00:48:21,898 Stay. 570 00:48:21,981 --> 00:48:23,691 You don't know what you're asking. 571 00:48:24,526 --> 00:48:27,779 You have a beautiful wife, wonderful children... 572 00:48:28,780 --> 00:48:30,073 a wasteland. 573 00:48:31,324 --> 00:48:32,575 I'm in the way. 574 00:48:33,618 --> 00:48:34,786 In the way? 575 00:48:35,578 --> 00:48:38,456 -My brother? -Gomez, take care! 576 00:48:40,166 --> 00:48:42,544 For you, life is all fun and games. 577 00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:46,798 A dance in a graveyard. Stench. Decay. 578 00:48:47,465 --> 00:48:49,259 But things change. 579 00:48:49,342 --> 00:48:50,885 Precisely. You're back. 580 00:48:52,011 --> 00:48:55,223 All those years apart, Fester. 581 00:48:55,306 --> 00:48:57,100 We can't do that again. 582 00:49:00,186 --> 00:49:01,396 You're home. 583 00:49:25,545 --> 00:49:26,588 Fore! 584 00:49:31,259 --> 00:49:33,094 Damn you, Addams! 585 00:49:39,017 --> 00:49:40,018 Uncle Fester? 586 00:49:40,852 --> 00:49:43,271 Come on, Uncle Fester. Come to the play. 587 00:49:44,397 --> 00:49:45,982 I said I was busy. 588 00:49:46,858 --> 00:49:50,778 But you said you'd help us, with the Shakespeare and the pus. 589 00:49:50,862 --> 00:49:52,530 I changed my mind. 590 00:50:07,545 --> 00:50:10,507 Mrs. Addams, can I see you for a moment? 591 00:50:11,508 --> 00:50:13,885 I'm Susan Firkins. I'm Wednesday's teacher. 592 00:50:13,968 --> 00:50:15,637 Oh, of course, Miss Firkins. 593 00:50:15,720 --> 00:50:18,181 Wednesday's told us so much about you. 594 00:50:26,564 --> 00:50:31,736 Wednesday is an excellent student, but, frankly, I'm concerned. 595 00:50:31,819 --> 00:50:34,280 You see, this is our class bulletin board. 596 00:50:34,364 --> 00:50:39,202 This month, our theme is our heroes, people we love and admire. 597 00:50:39,285 --> 00:50:42,330 You see, Susan Ringo has chosen the president. 598 00:50:42,413 --> 00:50:43,581 Isn't that sweet? 599 00:50:44,415 --> 00:50:47,418 And Harmony Feld has picked Jane Pauley. 600 00:50:49,587 --> 00:50:51,422 Have you spoken to her parents? 601 00:50:52,590 --> 00:50:55,593 But Wednesday brought in this picture, 602 00:50:56,177 --> 00:50:57,845 Calpurnia Addams. 603 00:50:58,555 --> 00:51:01,224 Wednesday's great-aunt Calpurnia. 604 00:51:01,307 --> 00:51:04,644 She was burned as a witch in 1706. 605 00:51:04,727 --> 00:51:07,689 They say she danced naked in the town square 606 00:51:07,772 --> 00:51:09,607 and enslaved a minister. 607 00:51:10,441 --> 00:51:12,610 -Really? -Oh, yes. 608 00:51:13,361 --> 00:51:17,824 But don't worry. We've told Wednesday, college first. 609 00:51:18,908 --> 00:51:22,370 Isn't he adorable? 610 00:51:22,453 --> 00:51:24,247 I made this myself. 611 00:51:24,330 --> 00:51:25,707 It's charming. 612 00:51:25,790 --> 00:51:26,874 What is he, a lizard? 613 00:51:28,084 --> 00:51:29,002 An elf. 614 00:51:30,545 --> 00:51:32,171 Look at you. 615 00:51:38,720 --> 00:51:40,388 That's better. 616 00:51:40,972 --> 00:51:43,683 You are too precious for words. 617 00:51:43,766 --> 00:51:46,561 Why, I could just eat you alive. 618 00:51:46,644 --> 00:51:48,521 Oh, no, Margaret. Too young. 619 00:52:20,595 --> 00:52:23,640 Wednesday. Pugsley. I changed my mind. 620 00:52:24,390 --> 00:52:25,725 Uncle Fester. 621 00:52:32,774 --> 00:52:34,734 Gordon? Gordon? 622 00:52:35,902 --> 00:52:36,944 It's Mother. 623 00:52:40,448 --> 00:52:41,824 Damn it, where is he? 624 00:52:43,242 --> 00:52:44,911 I never should have used him. 625 00:52:56,005 --> 00:52:58,925 I knew you couldn't stay away, old man. 626 00:53:18,277 --> 00:53:19,404 Damn it. 627 00:53:20,863 --> 00:53:23,282 Gordon! Gordon! 628 00:53:23,366 --> 00:53:24,534 Are you there? 629 00:53:26,411 --> 00:53:27,453 Gordon. 630 00:53:32,375 --> 00:53:34,836 My goodness! Say! Look! Would somebody come here? 631 00:53:34,919 --> 00:53:36,462 Oh, my! Oh, good... 632 00:53:37,547 --> 00:53:38,548 Oh, my! 633 00:53:40,133 --> 00:53:44,095 How all occasions do inform against me and spur my dull revenge! 634 00:53:44,178 --> 00:53:47,682 Oh, from this time forth, my thoughts be bloody, or nothing worth! 635 00:53:47,765 --> 00:53:50,268 If I must strike you dead, I will. 636 00:53:53,312 --> 00:53:54,814 A hit, 637 00:53:54,897 --> 00:53:57,150 a very palpable hit. 638 00:54:08,327 --> 00:54:09,662 O proud death, 639 00:54:10,329 --> 00:54:13,416 what feast is toward in thine eternal cell? 640 00:54:15,501 --> 00:54:18,963 Sweet oblivion, open your arms! 641 00:54:36,397 --> 00:54:37,732 Bravo! 642 00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:41,736 -Bravo! -Bravo! 643 00:54:42,278 --> 00:54:44,947 Bravo! 644 00:54:46,491 --> 00:54:47,867 Bravo! 645 00:54:48,493 --> 00:54:49,660 Bravo! 646 00:54:49,744 --> 00:54:52,955 There were sailors, pirates 647 00:54:53,664 --> 00:54:57,335 and a plane full of tourists from Miami Beach, 648 00:54:58,085 --> 00:55:00,087 all lost in the Triangle. 649 00:55:00,671 --> 00:55:03,841 Uncle Fester, will you take me there someday? 650 00:55:03,925 --> 00:55:05,426 It's a promise. 651 00:55:06,177 --> 00:55:08,012 -Good night, Wednesday. -Good night. 652 00:55:08,095 --> 00:55:09,597 You were terrific. 653 00:55:12,099 --> 00:55:13,309 Uncle Fester? 654 00:55:35,122 --> 00:55:37,250 A theatrical triumph. 655 00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:39,418 It's like a dream. 656 00:55:40,127 --> 00:55:43,256 When we first met, it was an evening much like this. 657 00:55:44,048 --> 00:55:45,675 Magic in the air. 658 00:55:46,801 --> 00:55:47,969 A boy. 659 00:55:48,761 --> 00:55:50,221 A girl. 660 00:55:50,304 --> 00:55:52,014 An open grave. 661 00:55:52,974 --> 00:55:54,350 It was my first funeral. 662 00:55:55,768 --> 00:55:57,812 You were so beautiful. 663 00:55:58,688 --> 00:56:00,439 Pale and mysterious. 664 00:56:01,357 --> 00:56:03,067 No one even looked at the corpse. 665 00:56:04,402 --> 00:56:06,195 Your cousin, Balthazar. 666 00:56:06,863 --> 00:56:08,447 You were still a suspect. 667 00:56:10,241 --> 00:56:13,953 I couldn't stop staring at you all through the eulogy. 668 00:56:15,288 --> 00:56:18,749 Your eyes, your mustache... 669 00:56:19,959 --> 00:56:21,294 your laugh. 670 00:56:23,254 --> 00:56:25,006 You bewitched me. 671 00:56:26,340 --> 00:56:28,509 I proposed that very night. 672 00:56:29,510 --> 00:56:32,930 Just think, someday we'll be buried here 673 00:56:33,723 --> 00:56:38,603 side by side, six feet under in matching coffins. 674 00:56:39,770 --> 00:56:41,731 Our lifeless bodies 675 00:56:41,814 --> 00:56:46,110 rotting together for all eternity. 676 00:56:48,571 --> 00:56:50,031 Cara mia. 677 00:56:51,407 --> 00:56:53,451 Mon sauvage. 678 00:57:23,981 --> 00:57:25,733 Hey, Bigfoot. 679 00:57:30,321 --> 00:57:32,365 Don't stare. Just get me out. 680 00:57:39,455 --> 00:57:40,581 Did you like the blood? 681 00:57:41,874 --> 00:57:44,502 -I was so proud. -Weren't we all? 682 00:57:45,294 --> 00:57:47,213 Wednesday, play with your food. 683 00:57:55,554 --> 00:57:56,639 Mama. 684 00:57:56,722 --> 00:57:58,641 Who put this in here? 685 00:58:01,560 --> 00:58:04,105 -That's for company. -Rascals. 686 00:58:05,189 --> 00:58:08,234 Doctor, you were so right. 687 00:58:08,317 --> 00:58:10,778 -What an evening. -Fester fit right in. 688 00:58:10,861 --> 00:58:14,365 -The displacement is over. -Well, isn't that nice? 689 00:58:14,448 --> 00:58:17,868 -Does he really have to go? -Yes, he does. 690 00:58:17,952 --> 00:58:21,205 Well, if he insists upon leaving, 691 00:58:21,998 --> 00:58:23,749 we shall mark the occasion. 692 00:58:24,959 --> 00:58:26,127 Tish? 693 00:58:26,210 --> 00:58:28,212 We've planned a farewell party. 694 00:58:28,295 --> 00:58:30,673 We've invited the entire clan. 695 00:58:31,632 --> 00:58:33,134 What a lovely gesture. 696 00:58:33,718 --> 00:58:35,094 We're a family again, 697 00:58:35,177 --> 00:58:38,139 and we owe it all to you, Dr. Pinder-Schloss. 698 00:58:38,222 --> 00:58:40,391 Please. Greta. 699 00:58:40,474 --> 00:58:41,767 Greta. 700 00:58:42,935 --> 00:58:45,479 Fester, walk me out. 701 00:58:49,734 --> 00:58:53,696 I'm fine, Mother. I'm completely in control. 702 00:58:53,779 --> 00:58:56,240 They're not your family, Gordon. I am. 703 00:58:56,323 --> 00:58:58,159 They don't love you. I do. 704 00:58:58,242 --> 00:59:01,704 They're evil and corrupt and degraded. 705 00:59:01,787 --> 00:59:05,374 -I can give you that. -I'm fine. Really. 706 00:59:05,458 --> 00:59:07,126 We'll see. Open up! 707 00:59:36,447 --> 00:59:37,573 A party? 708 00:59:38,449 --> 00:59:39,658 For me? 709 00:59:41,077 --> 00:59:42,078 Here? 710 00:59:49,627 --> 00:59:53,839 Tish, how long has it been since we've waltzed? 711 00:59:54,757 --> 00:59:56,133 Oh, Gomez. 712 01:00:00,888 --> 01:00:02,056 Hours. 713 01:01:09,206 --> 01:01:10,833 It, old man! 714 01:01:13,377 --> 01:01:15,254 You're right. Far too long. 715 01:01:22,261 --> 01:01:24,930 -Don't let me out of your sight. -Don't threaten me, Margaret. 716 01:01:25,014 --> 01:01:28,142 -These people are abnormal. -Don't exaggerate. 717 01:01:34,648 --> 01:01:37,276 By all means! They're clients, Margaret. 718 01:01:45,117 --> 01:01:47,745 -Wednesday? -Yes, Mother? 719 01:01:47,828 --> 01:01:50,372 Would you run upstairs and check on your uncle, please? 720 01:01:52,333 --> 01:01:55,628 Why, Lumpy Addams. Look at you. 721 01:01:56,212 --> 01:01:57,588 All grown up. 722 01:02:09,975 --> 01:02:11,185 Uncle Fester? 723 01:02:14,438 --> 01:02:16,565 -I understand. -I hope so. 724 01:02:16,649 --> 01:02:18,108 And I'm counting on you. 725 01:02:18,192 --> 01:02:20,861 Don't let me down. Don't buckle. 726 01:02:20,945 --> 01:02:23,989 It's not gonna be easy. There are people everywhere. 727 01:02:24,073 --> 01:02:26,575 You can do it if you just stop whining. 728 01:02:27,284 --> 01:02:29,912 Nobody likes that. It's unattractive. 729 01:02:29,995 --> 01:02:34,416 All right. Fine. I will try and reach the vault tonight. 730 01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:38,420 But if I can't, well, then that's it. 731 01:02:39,505 --> 01:02:40,589 Okay, Mother? 732 01:02:41,257 --> 01:02:43,884 I knew it. You are a fake. 733 01:02:43,968 --> 01:02:46,762 Come here, my little one. 734 01:02:46,845 --> 01:02:48,264 -Wednesday! -Get her! 735 01:03:33,976 --> 01:03:37,146 Flora and Fauna Amor. 736 01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:40,441 I cannot see. 737 01:03:40,524 --> 01:03:43,360 I am blinded by such beauty. 738 01:03:43,444 --> 01:03:44,653 Gomez Addams. 739 01:03:44,737 --> 01:03:46,405 -You terrible flirt. -Always was. 740 01:03:46,488 --> 01:03:48,032 -At least with me. -Copycat! 741 01:03:48,115 --> 01:03:51,535 -Tag-along! -Why, Gomez, the Amor twins. 742 01:03:51,618 --> 01:03:54,079 -I've heard so much about you. -Morticia-- 743 01:03:54,163 --> 01:03:55,914 You nabbed him. This darling man. 744 01:03:55,998 --> 01:03:57,666 -He was mine! -He was mine! 745 01:03:57,750 --> 01:04:00,461 Flora, Fauna, how can I compete? 746 01:04:00,544 --> 01:04:02,379 You're twice the woman I am. 747 01:04:03,130 --> 01:04:05,883 Tully, the Amor twins. 748 01:04:05,966 --> 01:04:08,594 They're waiting for Fester. Amuse them. 749 01:04:11,013 --> 01:04:13,724 -Hello, Tully. -Oh, my God. 750 01:04:19,521 --> 01:04:23,067 You mean you don't know? It's too intriguing. 751 01:04:23,150 --> 01:04:26,653 Now that Fester's back, he's king of the castle again, isn't he? 752 01:04:26,737 --> 01:04:29,073 Fester's the older brother, so he gets it all. 753 01:04:29,156 --> 01:04:31,325 The house, the money, you name it. 754 01:04:31,408 --> 01:04:32,868 Fester's still single, isn't he? 755 01:04:33,452 --> 01:04:36,121 -Are you, Mr. Alford? -Why, Fauna. 756 01:04:36,205 --> 01:04:38,832 -I'm Fauna. -I'm Flora. 757 01:04:40,250 --> 01:04:43,670 I'm flattered. Excuse me, ladies. 758 01:04:48,675 --> 01:04:51,804 I can't find her anywhere. Let's just leave. 759 01:04:52,429 --> 01:04:54,556 -Out the back. -Now pull yourself together. 760 01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:56,475 She'll turn up, the little cockroach. 761 01:04:56,558 --> 01:04:58,519 You get to the party or they'll suspect something. 762 01:04:58,602 --> 01:05:00,771 -I'll be down soon. -Yes, Mother. 763 01:05:08,112 --> 01:05:11,448 Everyone, your attention, please. 764 01:05:15,786 --> 01:05:19,415 Tonight we dance for our treasured guest of honor, 765 01:05:19,498 --> 01:05:20,916 Fester Addams. 766 01:05:23,627 --> 01:05:26,672 The mamushka! 767 01:05:28,340 --> 01:05:31,343 Taught to us by our Cossack cousins, 768 01:05:31,427 --> 01:05:34,555 the mamushka has been an Addams family tradition 769 01:05:34,638 --> 01:05:35,806 since God knows when. 770 01:05:36,390 --> 01:05:39,268 We danced the mamushka while Nero fiddled. 771 01:05:39,351 --> 01:05:42,479 We danced the mamushka at Waterloo. 772 01:05:42,563 --> 01:05:46,608 We danced the mamushka for Jack the Ripper. 773 01:05:47,276 --> 01:05:50,487 And now, Fester Addams, 774 01:05:50,571 --> 01:05:54,658 this mamushka is for you. 775 01:06:15,095 --> 01:06:20,476 There is no quibbling The sweetest relationship 776 01:06:20,559 --> 01:06:24,480 Is sibling to sibling 777 01:06:25,981 --> 01:06:31,320 My emotions have left me dribbling 778 01:06:32,362 --> 01:06:37,576 I'll stab anyone who starts Gnawing and nibbling 779 01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:41,163 At my feelings 780 01:06:41,246 --> 01:06:46,001 For my sibling 781 01:06:47,044 --> 01:06:49,630 We've danced it in the graveyards 782 01:06:49,713 --> 01:06:51,465 Where the maggots bill and coo 783 01:06:51,548 --> 01:06:53,258 It's perfect for beheadings 784 01:06:53,342 --> 01:06:54,801 Where the head says "How-dee-do?" 785 01:06:54,885 --> 01:06:57,012 Mamushka! Mamushka! 786 01:06:57,095 --> 01:06:58,889 I doff my old babushka! 787 01:06:58,972 --> 01:07:00,891 With a hey and a hey And a hey and a hey 788 01:07:00,974 --> 01:07:02,267 The dance of brotherly love 789 01:07:02,351 --> 01:07:04,311 Just kill the carioca 790 01:07:04,394 --> 01:07:06,438 Continental Susie Q 791 01:07:06,522 --> 01:07:07,814 Garotte the old gavotte 792 01:07:07,898 --> 01:07:10,150 And disembowel the dipsy doo! 793 01:07:10,234 --> 01:07:11,985 Mamushka! Mamushka! 794 01:07:12,069 --> 01:07:13,820 Let's dance it like Petrushka! 795 01:07:13,904 --> 01:07:15,739 With a hey and a hey And a hey and a hey 796 01:07:15,822 --> 01:07:17,241 And a dance of brotherly love 797 01:07:17,824 --> 01:07:19,243 -Brothers! -Brothers! 798 01:07:19,326 --> 01:07:20,285 Brothers! 799 01:07:20,369 --> 01:07:24,164 The Brothers Karamazov And the German Brothers Grimm 800 01:07:24,248 --> 01:07:25,666 -There's Orville Wright -And Wilbur! 801 01:07:25,749 --> 01:07:27,918 Orville's nothing minus him! 802 01:07:28,001 --> 01:07:29,878 The Smith Brothers and the Marx Brothers 803 01:07:29,962 --> 01:07:32,005 And the Ritz and the Brooks And the Mills Brothers 804 01:07:34,883 --> 01:07:37,094 The Everly Brothers, the Solomon Brothers Nicholas Brothers, Corsican Brothers 805 01:07:37,177 --> 01:07:39,596 And Dr. Joyce Brothers! Brothers! 806 01:07:39,680 --> 01:07:42,975 Ringling Brothers Watch them break their back! 807 01:07:43,058 --> 01:07:45,978 The Warner Brothers Harry, Sammy, Irving and Jack 808 01:07:46,562 --> 01:07:50,232 I know there's a host of others I've had to neglect some brothers 809 01:07:50,315 --> 01:07:52,234 Just too many names to cram 810 01:07:52,317 --> 01:07:57,573 But frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn! 811 01:08:52,711 --> 01:08:55,922 Mamushka, mamushka 812 01:08:56,006 --> 01:08:57,549 He comes for his mamushka 813 01:08:57,633 --> 01:08:59,092 With a hey and a hey And a hey and a hey 814 01:08:59,176 --> 01:09:00,802 And a hey and a hey And a hey and a hey 815 01:09:00,886 --> 01:09:02,679 And a hey and a hey And a hey and a hey 816 01:09:02,763 --> 01:09:04,640 And a hey and a hey And a hey and a hey and-- 817 01:09:04,723 --> 01:09:06,600 Wait! 818 01:09:08,894 --> 01:09:15,692 I swear by Mummy and Daddums 819 01:09:15,776 --> 01:09:18,779 This detestable Fester's 820 01:09:18,862 --> 01:09:22,115 The echt Fester Addams 821 01:09:23,909 --> 01:09:27,746 So hey, hey, hey, hey Hey, hey, hey, hey 822 01:09:27,829 --> 01:09:31,750 Let's dance the dance of brotherly love 823 01:09:31,833 --> 01:09:33,293 Mamushka 824 01:09:36,797 --> 01:09:39,299 What the hell's going on over there? 825 01:09:39,383 --> 01:09:42,844 How would you like to be rid of the Addamses for good? 826 01:09:43,762 --> 01:09:44,846 I'm serious. 827 01:09:45,764 --> 01:09:47,391 What can I do for you? 828 01:09:49,267 --> 01:09:51,770 You are gonna love this. 829 01:09:54,981 --> 01:09:58,068 We've been married for almost 20 years. 830 01:09:59,611 --> 01:10:01,905 Sometimes it seems like more. 831 01:10:04,866 --> 01:10:08,995 Well, people grow. People change. 832 01:10:19,423 --> 01:10:21,508 Isn't it a beautiful night? 833 01:10:26,638 --> 01:10:28,974 You'll come see me before you leave, won't you, Fester? 834 01:10:29,057 --> 01:10:31,268 I'll call once I'm alone. 835 01:10:31,351 --> 01:10:32,894 There's your ride, girls. 836 01:10:44,781 --> 01:10:48,994 You're a marvelous dancer. It's been such fun. 837 01:10:52,164 --> 01:10:54,875 Oh, I can't. We mustn't. 838 01:11:01,548 --> 01:11:02,591 Call me! 839 01:11:02,674 --> 01:11:04,801 Mamushka, mamushka 840 01:11:04,885 --> 01:11:07,262 I swallowed with one whoosh-ka 841 01:11:07,345 --> 01:11:08,805 And a hey and a hey 842 01:11:08,889 --> 01:11:11,099 And a hey and a hey and a hey 843 01:11:11,808 --> 01:11:13,101 Hey, hey 844 01:11:14,269 --> 01:11:17,689 Hey, hey, hey, hey 845 01:11:17,773 --> 01:11:19,065 Gordon. 846 01:11:19,149 --> 01:11:21,943 Gordon, Gordon, stop it. Gordon, no. 847 01:11:22,027 --> 01:11:24,404 -Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey -Stop it, Gordon. Stop it! 848 01:11:24,488 --> 01:11:25,614 Stop it, this instant. 849 01:11:27,073 --> 01:11:30,368 -Is that lipstick all over your face? -From the twins. 850 01:11:30,452 --> 01:11:33,205 The beauteous Amor twins. 851 01:11:33,288 --> 01:11:34,372 The twins? 852 01:11:35,165 --> 01:11:37,709 Gordon, I don't understand this. Let me get this clear. 853 01:11:37,793 --> 01:11:41,838 -Have you been having a good time? -Yes! I have! 854 01:11:41,922 --> 01:11:43,298 It was marvelous. 855 01:11:43,840 --> 01:11:47,219 I sang up a storm and danced till I dropped! 856 01:11:47,803 --> 01:11:51,473 The mamushka, the mamushka 857 01:11:52,057 --> 01:11:56,144 And a hey and a hey And a hey and a hey and a hey 858 01:11:58,814 --> 01:12:01,274 -Mother? -Mother? Mother? Who is that? 859 01:12:01,358 --> 01:12:04,611 -I don't think I recall. -Mother, please. 860 01:12:04,694 --> 01:12:07,405 I'm just fine. I'm dandy. 861 01:12:07,489 --> 01:12:10,116 Don't concern yourself about me, Gordon. 862 01:12:10,200 --> 01:12:13,203 Please, return to your depraved orgy. 863 01:12:13,912 --> 01:12:16,039 Sometimes I think you're not even my son. 864 01:12:16,957 --> 01:12:19,960 -Don't say that. -I'm just your mother. 865 01:12:20,043 --> 01:12:24,005 You only owe me your entire existence on this planet. 866 01:12:24,089 --> 01:12:27,592 Please, Gordon, by all means, go sing, dance, date. 867 01:12:27,676 --> 01:12:30,887 Oh, Mother, I'm so terribly sorry. 868 01:12:34,724 --> 01:12:37,352 It was just a party. It's over. 869 01:12:38,228 --> 01:12:39,521 It means nothing. 870 01:12:40,397 --> 01:12:43,608 The Siamese twins, the hunchback, Cousin It, 871 01:12:44,276 --> 01:12:45,318 they're not you. 872 01:12:46,027 --> 01:12:48,321 Say it, Gordon. Make me believe it. 873 01:12:48,905 --> 01:12:52,325 I love you. And I want money. 874 01:12:52,951 --> 01:12:54,327 We've got to find Tully. 875 01:12:59,833 --> 01:13:02,794 Look, our little boy. 876 01:13:02,878 --> 01:13:04,462 All tuckered out. 877 01:13:04,546 --> 01:13:08,508 It's so sweet. He looks just like a little entrée. 878 01:13:10,093 --> 01:13:13,138 -Where's the party? -It's over, darling. 879 01:13:13,930 --> 01:13:17,517 -Have you seen your sister? -Not since before the mamushka. 880 01:13:18,518 --> 01:13:19,644 Gomez. 881 01:13:20,353 --> 01:13:23,189 Fan out. Pugsley, head for the dung heap. 882 01:13:23,273 --> 01:13:25,859 Mama and Morticia, the shallow graves. I'll take the abyss. 883 01:13:25,942 --> 01:13:27,569 Lurch, check out the bottomless pit. 884 01:13:28,403 --> 01:13:30,071 -Fester? -Up here! 885 01:13:30,697 --> 01:13:35,285 Fester, you take the ravine and the unmarked abandoned well. 886 01:13:35,368 --> 01:13:39,372 Someone should stay behind in case she comes back. 887 01:13:39,915 --> 01:13:41,750 Good man. Good thinking! 888 01:13:41,833 --> 01:13:43,543 Then who'll take the swamp? 889 01:13:47,380 --> 01:13:50,508 That's the spirit, Thing. Lend a hand. Let's go! 890 01:13:57,682 --> 01:13:58,683 Gordon! 891 01:14:00,185 --> 01:14:01,478 Don't dawdle. 892 01:14:13,281 --> 01:14:16,034 -What are you doing? -I'm relaxing. 893 01:14:17,202 --> 01:14:18,411 Taking a little sun. 894 01:14:19,079 --> 01:14:20,205 Have you gone mad? 895 01:14:20,956 --> 01:14:22,040 Au contraire. 896 01:14:30,048 --> 01:14:31,841 Wednesday! 897 01:14:34,552 --> 01:14:36,638 Wednesday! 898 01:14:39,015 --> 01:14:40,350 Wednesday! 899 01:14:41,601 --> 01:14:43,311 Wednesday! 900 01:15:20,640 --> 01:15:24,352 -What is all this? -This is a restraining order. 901 01:15:24,436 --> 01:15:26,021 -A restraining order? -Yes. 902 01:15:26,104 --> 01:15:31,109 It requires you to keep a distance of 1,000 yards from this house. 903 01:15:31,192 --> 01:15:33,611 I am restrained from my own house? 904 01:15:33,695 --> 01:15:36,322 Not your house, mustache. Not anymore. 905 01:15:36,406 --> 01:15:39,034 It belongs to the oldest living descendant, 906 01:15:39,117 --> 01:15:42,704 the elder brother, Fester Addams. 907 01:15:42,787 --> 01:15:45,707 -Fester adores Gomez. -No, no, he's afraid of him. 908 01:15:45,790 --> 01:15:49,002 Seeing the twins brought it all back. You're bitter rivals, Gomez. 909 01:15:49,085 --> 01:15:52,630 -I demand to speak with Fester. -Sorry. No can do. 910 01:15:53,298 --> 01:15:56,009 He's very hurt. Just leave. 911 01:15:58,386 --> 01:16:00,513 But he isn't even Uncle Fester. 912 01:16:04,267 --> 01:16:07,854 Have no fear. Justice shall prevail. 913 01:16:07,937 --> 01:16:09,773 The courts will decide. 914 01:16:10,356 --> 01:16:14,277 They say a man who represents himself has a fool for a client. 915 01:16:14,360 --> 01:16:16,488 Well, with God as my witness, 916 01:16:16,571 --> 01:16:18,865 I am that fool! 917 01:16:19,449 --> 01:16:23,745 Therefore, it is with no small amount of personal satisfaction 918 01:16:24,496 --> 01:16:29,042 that I declare Fester Addams legal executor of the Addams estate 919 01:16:29,125 --> 01:16:32,378 and rightful owner of all possessions 920 01:16:32,462 --> 01:16:34,714 and properties contained therein, 921 01:16:34,798 --> 01:16:36,508 with one exception. 922 01:16:36,591 --> 01:16:38,927 Gomez Addams, 923 01:16:39,010 --> 01:16:43,139 I believe these are yours. 924 01:18:21,946 --> 01:18:25,283 -You are doing this on purpose. -That's right, Mother. Isn't this fun? 925 01:18:25,366 --> 01:18:26,659 I'll race you back. 926 01:18:29,120 --> 01:18:31,456 Yes, we've been forced from our home. 927 01:18:32,332 --> 01:18:35,043 Yes, we've been betrayed by those we trusted. 928 01:18:35,835 --> 01:18:39,547 But we are Addamses, and we will not submit. 929 01:18:40,882 --> 01:18:43,885 Who recalls the fable of the tortoise and the hare? 930 01:18:44,636 --> 01:18:47,931 The swift yet lazy little cottontail 931 01:18:48,014 --> 01:18:50,433 and his slow but determined companion? 932 01:18:51,267 --> 01:18:52,977 What does this story teach us? 933 01:18:53,061 --> 01:18:55,647 Kill the hare! Skin it. Boil it. 934 01:18:55,730 --> 01:18:58,858 -Put the tortoise on the highway. -During rush hour. 935 01:18:58,942 --> 01:19:01,819 Yes. We will survive. 936 01:19:02,570 --> 01:19:06,407 Poison us. Strangle us. Break our bones. 937 01:19:06,491 --> 01:19:08,076 We will come back for more. 938 01:19:08,868 --> 01:19:10,620 And why? 939 01:19:10,703 --> 01:19:12,247 Because we like it. 940 01:19:12,330 --> 01:19:14,249 Because we're Addamses. 941 01:19:14,332 --> 01:19:15,750 We're Addamses. 942 01:19:23,925 --> 01:19:26,052 Here, Lurch. On the house. 943 01:19:43,611 --> 01:19:47,198 We have so many homemakers reentering the workforce. 944 01:19:47,282 --> 01:19:49,242 Your domestic skills can be very valuable. 945 01:19:49,993 --> 01:19:52,996 -College? -Private tutors. 946 01:19:53,997 --> 01:19:55,915 -Major? -Spells and hexes. 947 01:19:57,333 --> 01:19:58,543 Liberal Arts. 948 01:19:59,544 --> 01:20:03,256 What about your husband? Is he currently employed? 949 01:20:04,215 --> 01:20:06,259 He's going through a bad patch at the moment, 950 01:20:07,093 --> 01:20:08,636 but it's not his fault. 951 01:20:08,720 --> 01:20:10,388 Of course not. 952 01:20:11,514 --> 01:20:14,058 What is he, a loafer? A hopeless layabout? 953 01:20:14,142 --> 01:20:15,643 A shiftless dreamer? 954 01:20:18,187 --> 01:20:19,439 Not anymore. 955 01:20:25,403 --> 01:20:28,865 -Is this made from real lemons? -Yes. 956 01:20:28,948 --> 01:20:31,409 I only like all-natural fruits and beverages 957 01:20:31,492 --> 01:20:34,620 organically grown with no preservatives. 958 01:20:34,704 --> 01:20:37,999 -Are you sure they're real lemons? -Yes. 959 01:20:38,082 --> 01:20:40,084 Well, I'll tell you what. 960 01:20:40,168 --> 01:20:41,377 I'll buy a cup 961 01:20:41,461 --> 01:20:44,714 if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. 962 01:20:44,797 --> 01:20:46,299 Do we have a deal? 963 01:20:46,382 --> 01:20:48,217 Are they made from real Girl Scouts? 964 01:21:01,022 --> 01:21:03,566 And so, the witch lured Hansel and Gretel 965 01:21:03,649 --> 01:21:07,487 into the candy house by promising them more sweets. 966 01:21:07,570 --> 01:21:09,906 And she told them to look in the oven. 967 01:21:09,989 --> 01:21:14,035 And she was about to push them in when, lo and behold, 968 01:21:14,118 --> 01:21:17,330 Hansel pushed the poor, defenseless witch 969 01:21:17,413 --> 01:21:18,956 into the oven instead, 970 01:21:19,040 --> 01:21:20,666 where she was burned alive, 971 01:21:21,292 --> 01:21:22,794 writhing in agony. 972 01:21:26,172 --> 01:21:30,802 Now, boys and girls, what do you think that feels like? 973 01:22:24,439 --> 01:22:26,232 Welcome to the show. 974 01:22:26,315 --> 01:22:28,317 Voodoo witch doctors here in the United States. 975 01:22:28,401 --> 01:22:29,610 Here, kitty, kitty. 976 01:22:29,694 --> 01:22:33,781 Do they really exist or is this just tabloid hooey? 977 01:22:33,865 --> 01:22:35,825 We'd love you to call in with your comments. 978 01:22:38,619 --> 01:22:40,246 After lunch, we'll try again. 979 01:22:42,123 --> 01:22:43,124 Yes, Mother. 980 01:22:47,628 --> 01:22:49,630 We'll find the money. 981 01:22:50,506 --> 01:22:53,634 Meanwhile, we have this little nest, quiet and cozy 982 01:22:53,718 --> 01:22:56,220 without that dreadful family. 983 01:22:57,638 --> 01:22:58,890 Yes, Mother. 984 01:22:59,640 --> 01:23:02,643 So you claim that your son was brainwashed 985 01:23:02,727 --> 01:23:06,856 by voodoo witch doctors and forced to recruit others. 986 01:23:06,939 --> 01:23:07,940 Let's take a call. 987 01:23:08,024 --> 01:23:09,484 Hello, Sally. 988 01:23:09,567 --> 01:23:12,904 Mr. Addams, please stop calling. 989 01:23:12,987 --> 01:23:14,864 We do not know where they meet. 990 01:23:14,947 --> 01:23:16,115 Let's take another call. 991 01:23:18,618 --> 01:23:21,829 Gomez, why don't we go for a drive? 992 01:23:21,913 --> 01:23:24,165 -The whole family. -A drive? 993 01:23:25,041 --> 01:23:26,501 And miss Gilligan? 994 01:23:26,584 --> 01:23:28,127 Dinner's gonna be late. 995 01:23:28,961 --> 01:23:31,130 Here, boy. Here, boy. 996 01:23:39,138 --> 01:23:40,223 Gordon. 997 01:23:41,516 --> 01:23:42,600 Gordon! 998 01:24:50,084 --> 01:24:52,420 I would like to speak with Fester, please. 999 01:25:01,762 --> 01:25:05,850 You're a desperate woman consumed by greed and bitterness. 1000 01:25:06,475 --> 01:25:09,770 -We could have been such friends. -Gordon, let's get started. 1001 01:25:09,854 --> 01:25:11,439 -But, Mother. -Stop stalling. 1002 01:25:11,522 --> 01:25:13,983 I'm not stalling. Stop badgering me. 1003 01:25:16,527 --> 01:25:19,864 The vault, Mrs. Addams. Any thoughts? 1004 01:25:19,947 --> 01:25:22,825 -None whatsoever. -Tully, take over. Tighten it. 1005 01:25:22,908 --> 01:25:24,702 But I got this stomach thing when I torture people. 1006 01:25:24,785 --> 01:25:25,911 Do it. 1007 01:25:29,165 --> 01:25:30,207 Again. 1008 01:25:39,216 --> 01:25:40,217 Tighter. 1009 01:25:44,889 --> 01:25:46,265 You've done this before. 1010 01:26:34,271 --> 01:26:37,358 Who is it? We're paid through Thursday. 1011 01:26:38,567 --> 01:26:40,486 Mor... Morticia. 1012 01:26:40,569 --> 01:26:41,570 Morticia. 1013 01:26:42,905 --> 01:26:44,615 Morticia what? 1014 01:26:44,699 --> 01:26:45,866 Slow down! 1015 01:26:45,950 --> 01:26:47,326 It's terrible when you stutter. 1016 01:27:01,215 --> 01:27:05,720 Morticia in danger. 1017 01:27:05,803 --> 01:27:07,138 Stop. 1018 01:27:07,221 --> 01:27:11,308 Send help at once. Stop! 1019 01:27:13,769 --> 01:27:16,647 You can't! Not with red-hot pokers! 1020 01:27:17,314 --> 01:27:18,566 Is this gonna smell? 1021 01:27:18,649 --> 01:27:19,775 Tully Alford, 1022 01:27:20,317 --> 01:27:23,946 charlatan, deadbeat, parasite. 1023 01:27:24,739 --> 01:27:26,532 How Gomez adored you. 1024 01:27:26,615 --> 01:27:28,993 Well, not enough. 1025 01:27:30,119 --> 01:27:32,955 Morticia, please. 1026 01:27:33,539 --> 01:27:37,293 And dear Fester, which is the real you? 1027 01:27:38,043 --> 01:27:41,464 The loathsome, underhanded monster you've become 1028 01:27:41,547 --> 01:27:45,176 or the loathsome, underhanded monster we came to love? 1029 01:27:45,259 --> 01:27:46,552 Don't ask me. 1030 01:28:03,778 --> 01:28:06,572 I know what you're feeling, Fester. 1031 01:28:06,655 --> 01:28:07,740 Gordon! 1032 01:28:09,450 --> 01:28:12,661 Gordon, I have a thought. Just a notion, top of my head. 1033 01:28:12,745 --> 01:28:14,205 Tell me what you think? 1034 01:28:14,830 --> 01:28:18,417 Since you and Mrs. Addams are so very close... 1035 01:28:20,169 --> 01:28:21,212 be my guest. 1036 01:28:24,507 --> 01:28:25,800 Addams! 1037 01:28:25,883 --> 01:28:27,551 -Cara mia! -Mon cher! 1038 01:28:27,635 --> 01:28:29,887 Darling, take care. 1039 01:28:30,846 --> 01:28:33,516 Dirty pool, old man. Never again! 1040 01:28:44,777 --> 01:28:46,362 One for you, Tully. 1041 01:28:47,404 --> 01:28:48,656 And now... 1042 01:28:58,707 --> 01:29:00,167 One for me. 1043 01:29:00,251 --> 01:29:03,045 -Gomez, I'm on retainer. -Let him up. 1044 01:29:13,138 --> 01:29:15,766 That's right. Now get moving, Addams. 1045 01:29:19,395 --> 01:29:20,563 Take him to the vault, 1046 01:29:22,147 --> 01:29:24,066 and if you're not back in one hour... 1047 01:29:25,526 --> 01:29:27,611 I displace her. 1048 01:29:31,907 --> 01:29:34,535 Tish, seeing you like this, 1049 01:29:35,160 --> 01:29:36,370 my blood boils. 1050 01:29:36,453 --> 01:29:37,788 As does mine. 1051 01:29:39,039 --> 01:29:41,709 -This wheel of pain. -Our wheel. 1052 01:29:42,418 --> 01:29:45,838 To live without you, only that would be torture. 1053 01:29:45,921 --> 01:29:49,550 A day alone, only that would be death. 1054 01:29:51,760 --> 01:29:53,220 Knock it off. 1055 01:29:55,222 --> 01:29:57,057 The vault, Addams, right now. 1056 01:30:07,192 --> 01:30:09,904 -But, Mother, can't we... -Can it, Gordon. 1057 01:30:09,987 --> 01:30:13,282 Stop dragging your feet. You disgust me! 1058 01:30:14,325 --> 01:30:16,827 You're nothing but a useless, sniveling baby. 1059 01:30:16,911 --> 01:30:18,370 A stone around my neck. 1060 01:30:19,121 --> 01:30:22,750 What was I thinking? I should have left you where I found you. 1061 01:30:24,168 --> 01:30:26,587 No tricks, Gomez! 1062 01:30:27,796 --> 01:30:29,673 That's the wrong book. 1063 01:30:38,933 --> 01:30:39,934 Allow me. 1064 01:30:43,520 --> 01:30:44,855 Good show, old man. 1065 01:30:47,691 --> 01:30:51,320 Put that book down, Gordon. You don't know what it can do. 1066 01:30:52,154 --> 01:30:55,574 -It's not just literature. -Oh, really? 1067 01:30:57,451 --> 01:30:58,744 Quickly, darling. 1068 01:30:58,827 --> 01:31:00,329 Gordon, I'm your friend. 1069 01:31:01,163 --> 01:31:04,959 -Think of the doubloons. -They're not yours, Tully. 1070 01:31:05,584 --> 01:31:06,585 Back off! 1071 01:31:06,669 --> 01:31:10,381 Leather straps. Red-hot pokers. 1072 01:31:10,464 --> 01:31:11,674 Later, my dearest. 1073 01:31:11,757 --> 01:31:14,802 Keep the book closed, Gordon. Listen to Mother. 1074 01:31:14,885 --> 01:31:18,931 I'll never listen to you, never ever again. 1075 01:31:19,014 --> 01:31:22,101 I had to be strict with you because I cared. Put it down! 1076 01:31:22,184 --> 01:31:24,645 You never really loved me. 1077 01:31:25,312 --> 01:31:26,438 Fester, this way! 1078 01:31:26,522 --> 01:31:29,608 Stop whining, you little good-for-nothing. Be a man! 1079 01:31:29,692 --> 01:31:33,153 You were a terrible mother! 1080 01:31:33,696 --> 01:31:36,281 There! I said it. 1081 01:32:27,332 --> 01:32:28,417 Are they dead? 1082 01:32:29,293 --> 01:32:30,461 Does it matter? 1083 01:32:48,771 --> 01:32:50,314 Trick or-- 1084 01:32:55,194 --> 01:32:56,570 Here we come! 1085 01:32:57,488 --> 01:33:00,908 -Pugsley, old man. -Why, look at you. 1086 01:33:04,620 --> 01:33:05,662 How do you like it? 1087 01:33:07,831 --> 01:33:11,043 What can I say? He's gonna break hearts. 1088 01:33:11,126 --> 01:33:12,211 Trick or treat. 1089 01:33:14,755 --> 01:33:17,132 Hello, Margaret. Cousin It. 1090 01:33:17,216 --> 01:33:21,011 -I almost didn't recognize you. -Isn't he handsome? 1091 01:33:21,095 --> 01:33:24,264 Everyone keeps asking where he bought his costume. 1092 01:33:24,348 --> 01:33:25,474 It is a wonderful hat. 1093 01:33:27,226 --> 01:33:29,895 What are you, darling? Where's your costume? 1094 01:33:30,479 --> 01:33:32,815 This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac. 1095 01:33:32,898 --> 01:33:34,441 They look just like everyone else. 1096 01:33:39,780 --> 01:33:42,866 I'm so glad I can spend this night with my family, 1097 01:33:43,492 --> 01:33:45,369 now that I've got my memory back. 1098 01:33:45,452 --> 01:33:49,790 Thank God for that lightning. Knocked some sense into you. 1099 01:33:52,876 --> 01:33:54,545 You remember, old man. 1100 01:33:54,628 --> 01:33:59,550 Dr. Pinder-Schloss really did find Fester tangled in a tuna net 25 years ago, 1101 01:34:00,175 --> 01:34:01,677 with amnesia. 1102 01:34:01,760 --> 01:34:03,428 From the Bermuda Triangle. 1103 01:34:07,307 --> 01:34:09,977 How true. Stranger things have happened. 1104 01:34:10,060 --> 01:34:11,812 Please, Uncle Fester. 1105 01:34:12,855 --> 01:34:15,107 -Pugsley. -For the picture. 1106 01:34:22,322 --> 01:34:25,868 All right, everybody, time for a game. 1107 01:34:25,951 --> 01:34:28,871 What shall it be? Bobbing for apples? 1108 01:34:28,954 --> 01:34:30,080 Charades? 1109 01:34:31,456 --> 01:34:33,625 Of course. Wake the dead. 1110 01:34:33,709 --> 01:34:35,377 Wake the dead! 1111 01:34:35,460 --> 01:34:37,421 Wake the dead! 1112 01:34:38,088 --> 01:34:40,090 Out to the cemetery. Come on, everyone. 1113 01:34:40,174 --> 01:34:41,884 I've never played this before. 1114 01:34:41,967 --> 01:34:44,219 -How does it go? -Did you bring a shovel? 1115 01:34:44,303 --> 01:34:47,222 -Uncle Fester, will you be on my team? -No, mine. 1116 01:34:47,306 --> 01:34:49,141 I tell you what. We'll give you a head start. 1117 01:34:49,224 --> 01:34:51,268 Three skulls and a pelvis. How is that? 1118 01:34:55,105 --> 01:34:57,316 My own dear brother. 1119 01:35:07,326 --> 01:35:09,745 -Come on. -We'll catch up. 1120 01:35:13,332 --> 01:35:16,084 Wake the dead! Wake the dead! 1121 01:35:17,294 --> 01:35:18,795 Uncle Atlas, wake up. 1122 01:35:20,714 --> 01:35:24,301 -Come on, Aunt LaBorgia, wake up. -No, no, no, children. 1123 01:35:24,384 --> 01:35:27,846 You have to dig. That's half the fun. 1124 01:35:39,024 --> 01:35:41,526 Oh, Tish, what more could we ask? 1125 01:35:44,071 --> 01:35:45,364 Gomez. 1126 01:35:51,370 --> 01:35:54,498 Cara mia, is it true? 1127 01:35:55,332 --> 01:35:58,210 Oui, mon amor. 1128 01:36:09,471 --> 01:36:11,723 Wake up, Grandpa Addams. It's Halloween. 1129 01:36:11,807 --> 01:36:14,476 Children, look! Great-Aunt Lavinia! 1130 01:36:14,559 --> 01:36:17,104 She was beheaded by her own children! 1131 01:36:17,187 --> 01:36:18,522 Yay!